If I’m not going to be fertile, at least I’ll be hot!

With the new baby (foster child) and work, and the worry of the last 5 years,  I have decided to go on a year long makeover.  I will be as natural as possible, but Im not promising anything. This will include, new hair, better skin, better nails, new waistline (smaller) and healthier body.

Want to join me?

What I am doing so far, is taking a multivitamin, going to ZUMBA class, and doing yoga at home.  I’m growing dreads, and am working on healthy hair.  I’ve had these red eyes since I’ve moved  to Indiana and finally, the pharmacist suggested allergy eyedrops.  It works!  Also, trying Resveritrol.  Well I’ll keep you up to date.  Post your makeover successes here!

Peace

Foster Care

Well, it has begun. My husband and I have accepted a lovely foster child.  Will see where this journey takes us! And yes, we are still “trying.”  For me that just means that I am going to see a new OBGYN/fertility specialist.

Finding a real fertility specialist is like finding a real spiritual guru, or martial arts teacher.  I know a Martial Artists who spent ten years working with this guy in China and then found out, the guy was not an expert.   THe same is true with people who work with fertility.  I spent a year with a doctor who wanted to give me a laproscopy really bad.  He did, then that was the pinnacle of his expertise.  He didn’t tell me that– I figured it out on my own.  After a ectopic pregnancy, I went on fertility hiatus, so another wasted year.  Will talk more later.  Fostering–fun, but hard.

birthdays, and baby sex

Yesterday was my birthday. I spent 1/2 of it sulking and the other half shopping for a fizzy bath ball (the proze for the worst comments contest winner). I have also come to the realization that no amount of red wine can make me sexy enough for baby sex. Because truly, all sex right now is stressful, waiting for hope , then disappointment, intercourse. This morning my hubbie gave some advice about sthinking about showing our love for each other, and taking care of our needs instead of sex for babies. But of course, that went right over my head.

The problemis, I get so stressed out that I try to AVOID sex. Can you believe it! what a freak I am. Also, I do not recommend target brand ovulation predictor kits. Why did I even bother with those. Am I serious? If anyone has a cure for baby sex anxiety please let me know.

I hope today gets better.

The winner is…!

Thank you all for submitting to the Worst Comments contest. Every comment mad me angry & sad at our society’s lack of care for women at all stages of motherhood. What is the best way to educate these people about what a REAL woman actually is, how can we even educate ourselves?

After reading these over and over, and over I felt my heart get smashed everytime I read Tricia Broderick’s experience…

Unfortunately, this is 100% true.

I am now an anti-baby shower woman. So I decided that if my second pregnancy resulted in a baby that actually came home breathing, we would have a “safe arrival or welcome” party instead of the baby shower. So a few months after Sean’s arrival home, we threw the party. A friend of my husband’s family came to the party with 3 of his 4 children…we’ll call him A. A is married in his late 30s or early 40s with 4 children. A proceeded to approach me with “So how does it feel to prove you are a woman?”. Now I am not a person that is ever lacking words, however, I was in a state of complete disbelief that someone would say this. I was prepared for “now you have a child” or “everything is better now” but not that. My husband was also standing there and quickly escorted him into a different room before I replied.

I wish I could stop there and say that I had to hear someone ask me that question but oh no…it continues. A few months later, there was a town festival that we were walking around at. Of course, who comes walking up to us, A and his entire family. The first question how of his mouth directed to me “So how does it feel to prove you are a woman?”. Only this time I had thought for months regarding replies to that question, yet because is children were right there I just couldn’t bring myself to say them. However, this time I walked away from him. I turned to my husband and said, “I’ll be waiting by the water fountain”. I’ve never seen him since and hope I never do (or at least when he is with his children and I have to be a better person).

Tricia

Tricia can be reached at parentingafterloss.blogspot.com.  

go by and give her a heads up!

Yea Dad!

Well, after years of doubting, and blaming I am super confident in my husbands’ desire to have kids NOW.  Y’see, it was a big deal before and after we got married.  Then when the time came to try, I couldn’t get preggers–ugggh.  Of course, I blamed this on my husband AND I often convinced myself we weren’t getting pregnant because he didn’t want it enough.

I KNOW that is AWFUL! Because of course people said that to me!

“Maybe, you aren’t ready,” or ” you don’t want it bad enough..” My mother often asks..

“Did you pray?”

Anyway, all my faults aside, I’m really happy I actually heard my hubbie say it- instead of me asking, “are you sure..”

OUr guest blogger, hasn’t made it yet, but she’ll be here soon.

Been away.

Hey, I’ve been away for a few days.  Sorry, ’bout that.  I never got to separate the “loss” comments from the others, so  they are up with the others. Monday the contest will be officially over. Thanks again all!

The next post is  a guest comment  from my friend Megan.

-jrenee

New customized header!

I got this photo from flickr. The person who makes these booties had a Creative Commons Licence that allows me to use it. She makes awesome booties check out her blog at funkyshapes.etsy.com

Dreams, Vibes and the end of the Worst Comments Contest

Well, lemme tell ya.  If I thought I was the only one feeling humiliated, and most of the time frustrated at people’s comments I truly know now that I am not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me and with the rest of the world.  The official rules stated that the contest was gonna go until March 30, but…

I had a bad dream–it was a doozy.  I am writing this minutes after waking.  I think reading all the ways we’ve been hurt has created a part of my brain that expects disappoinment in my friends and in the fertility process.  I don’t want that-I don’t want that for my readers either.

So… from now on, please go ahead and vote for the worst comments.  (Click “comments” in  “Worst Comments 2″  Which should be archived in March.

Oh yes, and the lost comments will be posted today, but I gotta warn you, don’t read those if you don’t  wanna be pissed all  day.  They’ll be in a “loss” category.

To encourage more hope please send in the best ways people have comforted you after, adoption, loss, or ongoing during your fertility struggles.  I will also be brightening up this blog!

thanks!

Much Love

I am shocked and appalled at the many ways people can show they are out of touch–Therefore, I propose a new simultaneous call for stories featuring actions that made you feel the MUCH LOVED as you became a foster care family, adopted a child, or have gone through the infertility wars.

As our worst comments contest continues, we will have stories of much love too!

Comment Contest

Wow, the 2nd round of comments is proving to be a goldmine!  If you don’t see your comment yet, I’m trying to organize them all.  I’ll try to have them all organized by 11:00 p.m. EST.

Warning: If you’re not in the mood to laugh (at stupidity) or just join in group anger for a while then  DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS.  Also, I will arrange comments about loss, in a separate folder or whatever, so that one just doesn’t spring up on you.  Some of the loss comments can just bring you down.

BUT–I’m all about lifting us up too.  The goal of the contest is to rally around this thing we understand that other people don’t.

Oh yeah, on more thing, please feel free to reply with support to bloggers who’ve entered the contest–we need it!