Yea Dad!

Well, after years of doubting, and blaming I am super confident in my husbands’ desire to have kids NOW.  Y’see, it was a big deal before and after we got married.  Then when the time came to try, I couldn’t get preggers–ugggh.  Of course, I blamed this on my husband AND I often convinced myself we weren’t getting pregnant because he didn’t want it enough.

I KNOW that is AWFUL! Because of course people said that to me!

“Maybe, you aren’t ready,” or ” you don’t want it bad enough..” My mother often asks..

“Did you pray?”

Anyway, all my faults aside, I’m really happy I actually heard my hubbie say it- instead of me asking, “are you sure..”

OUr guest blogger, hasn’t made it yet, but she’ll be here soon.


One Response to “Yea Dad!”

  1. I think I am the guest blogger.
    I was infertile as they call it for almost two and half years. I would say three, but that sounds too hard to believe, but it was three years. I am pregnant now and I can’t believe it. I am out of the club now and don’t know where to plant my feet. I feel like an infertile still, just waiting for something horrible to happen. People say, “Don’t think that, oh my.” and “The baby will feel your stress.” Other than quitting my job and holing up at a spa with classical music playing around the clock, I don’t think I can hide from stress. It sounds so easy. Don’t be stressed. It was the fact that we gave up trying to get pregnant and just screwed is when we got pregnant. I also did acupuncture. I am not sure what he did exactly, but I endured needles being stuck in my body and actually enjoyed it. The first treatment was like a spa with angel wings. It is hard to explain, but I felt so tranquil.
    My husband also bought me a case of wine for Valentine’s Day and that seemed to do the trick, since we conceived February 19.
    Two days before the pregnancy test (Day 33) I cried for the loss and I cried for the pain and I cried for the period I thought I was about to get. I couldn’t bare getting another period, as I know the anguish that goes with it and the guilt and disappointment and the ANGER. And of course the failure.
    So, now here I am, 7 weeks pregnant and not knowing who to talk about it with. My trying to get pregnant friends don’t want to hear it, as I have been there not wanting to hear another leap of joy or a squeal of delight from a pregnant woman’s soul. My best friend and I are fighting because of misunderstandings. One being, she thinks I actually hate pregnant people. I did in fact say, “I hate pregnant people.” But what I meant was “I hate myself and I hate that I can’t get pregnant.”
    I am pissed she could not see that or interpret it, but she has never struggled with infertility and how can I blame her for that. Still I feel misunderstood and like I don’t quite belong in the pregnant group or the not pregnant group. Just hanging around until week 8 and I can see my OBGYN and the first ultra sound. Just hanging around, looking for the right place to sit and eat in the “school” cafeteria.
    Also, my fertility specialist, endocrinologist, is not interested in seeing me as I have had a “spontaneous” pregnancy. Hearing this sounded like it was wrong or something and actually worried me. All it means is that it happened without fertility meds or treatments. After two failed IUIs and uninsured expenses later, I gave up that route and decided to get natural treatments with acupuncture. I started doing yoga, exercised, and went to acupuncture. I also gave up hoping I would ever be a mother. So here I am, sitting alone in the cafeteria with noone to eat with. But as I get used to this feeling and let go of the fear, I think I may sit down next to you and ask you how you are…

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